Last week, I had a meeting with a government official about my parenting program “Happy Parents Raise Happy Kids”. We talked about how parenting programs focus on behavior management, which I find problematic. I told him I think parenting is much deeper than being “kid police” and, being a parent himself, he agreed that behavioral management classes convey the message that kids need to be managed and controlled.
We talked about how important parents are as their kids’ socializing agents that hold the title “Most influential person” in their kids’ lives. We then came to the conclusion that the government invests a lot of time and money in kids’ health, infrastructure and education, a lot in teachers’ salaries, higher education facilities and professional development (although I think not enough), but nothing at all in the most influential people in kids’ life – their parents.
No salary.
No higher education (or any kind of parenting education for that matter).
No professional development or support.
Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Nix (you get the drift, right?).
This leaves parents looking for the rewards, the education and the development on their own. I personally meet them when they come in search of education. When they give up on trial-and-error and “I’ll just do what my parents did, because I don’t know how to do it differently”, they come to the parent coaching course to learn how to take care of themselves and be that support their children.
Anyway, after a long conversation about parenting, the man asked me a tough question, “Well Ronit, if you could summarize the most important thing for parents in one sentence, what would that be?”
“Only one?” I asked, trying to buy time (this was like writing on twitter and only having 140 characters).
“Yes, Ronit, only one”, he smiled.
So I thought about it. It was painful. It would be easier to find 10 things than just one. Finally, I said, “Walk your talk, because your kids are always watching”.
When I came home from our meeting, I told Gal I needed to find the poem about kids constantly watching to share with you. I found it hidden away in an email from someone who was an inspiring teacher of mine 25 years ago and still keeps in touch.
Although I did not write it myself (I wish I did), I dedicate this song to all the parents in the world. May you take strength from knowing that you are watched all the time and use it to your advantage (and your kids’).
When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking
– Mary Rita Schilke Korzan
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,
and I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw you feed a stray cat,
and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw you make my favorite cake for me,
and I knew that little things are special things.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I heard you say a prayer,
and I believed that there was a God to talk to.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I felt you kiss me goodnight,
and I felt loved.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt,
but it’s alright to cry.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I saw that you cared,
and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn’t looking,
I looked…
and I wanted to say thanks for all the things
I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.
Happy parenting,
Ronit
