Happy Holidays from Family Matters

Family Matters is taking some time off from researching, coaching and writing and heading off on a family vacation. After all, this is why we do what we do – to help ourselves have a better family time together.

It has been an awesome year for us. We were very proud and happy that our daughter Eden, our happy thought, joined us in writing this year. We have had many personal achievements at work, in our relationships and with our kids. The only wish we have for ourselves is that next year will be even better. Better is a good formula for a happy life.

We want to thank all of the 150,000 readers we have had this year and give special thanks to all those who have posted comments, shared their opinions and contributed to the community of parents and educators around this blog. Whatever your personal views, we love to read them and engage in a discussion on the important aspects of parenting with you.

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Alcohol for Teens

This week, I was at a conference and I had a talk about my book for teenagers with a woman named Jill. As often happens, our conversation turned into a “bitching session” about teenagers.

“Last night, I picked up my 15-year-old daughter from a party. I’m one of the rare parents who still come to pick their kids up. The rest takes a taxi”, she complained, “When I arrived, there were lots of police cars around”.

“Did anything bad happen?” I asked, worried.

“Oh, no, that’s usual. Every time she goes to a party, someone does silly things and the police arrive”.

My 20-year-old daughter and my 14-year-old son had never participated in a party where the police arrived, so I asked her, “What do you mean by ‘silly things’?”

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Good Fences

Jim, the neighbor sharing our back fence, rang this week to ask if we would share the cost of replacing the fence that separates our back yards. He was very polite and patient, but made it clear he wanted to put up a “good fence”.

So let me tell you exactly what I think about fences and what I think about how they separate people.

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How to Have More Intimacy in Your Relationship

Intimacy: couple lying face-to-face on the floor

Let’s start with some big words. According to Wikipedia, “Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity”.

When I mention intimacy to people, many of them immediately think of romance and physical closeness, particularly in the context of fear of intimacy. But this is only a borrowed meaning.

In fact, many sexual relationships have little or no intimacy in them, while other relationships are based on deep spiritual bonding without any physical contact whatsoever.

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Are You Listening?

In our modern life, one of the things we have the least of is time. A common expression I hear from people every day is “I’m very busy” and even “No time. Too busy”. We go to work, we work under pressure all day, we come back, we hurry our meals, we resent having to drive our kids to their various activities, we sleep less than we should, we have less quality time than we want to have and we finish every week completely exhausted from trying to do more than we can, only to start another week that feels exactly the same, if not worse.

But maybe that is only what we think. Maybe it is this tendency to rush into and out of things as quickly as we can that makes us waste more time than we would by relaxing and “taking our time”.

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Happy Birthday! I Did it Again!

Yesterday, when I picked my daughter up from school, she told me what kids said about her late birthday party and I said to myself “Yes, yes, yes! I did it again!” I was so happy and proud I decided I would share this with you as soon as I could.

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Confident Kids

Most kids develop some kind of a hobby as they grow up – dancing, basketball, music, art and so on. Nowadays, this usually means their parents have to shuttle them to and from practice, games, concerts and other events. Whenever the parents see their kids perform or display their results, they are pleased, but treat the whole affair as something the kids will eventually grow out of.

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Motivating Kids (18)

In the process of motivating your kids, you will find that your kids are also influenced by others. If that influence is positive – great! But sometimes, others’ behavior and words might be de-motivating for your kids.

This post is part 18 of 19 in the series Motivating Kids

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Make a list: Friends and Friendships

Our definition of friendship evolves over the years. At first, our friends are the kids we play with, even when we envy them or hate them. As we grow up, our definition becomes deeper and more meaningful, but also more selective.

This post is part 3 of 48 in the series Make a List

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Kids Making a Difference

When I was 16, I joined the school council and fought for kids’ rights and freedom of speech. People said it was because I was a Libra, but the teacher who coordinated my school’s leadership programs (school council, school newspaper and class representatives) told us we were the future and what we were doing was very important. We wrote protest poems, listened to Joan Baez, negotiated with school authorities to make sure our education went beyond learning math and literature and made a big difference in the life of our fellow students.

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